Behind the Scenes: DDay Dub Day
by Beth0987
Summary: What happens to successful Japanese anime? They get English dubs! New names, new backgrounds, new accents... The characters hate it as much as we do. Unlike us, they can fight back. WARNING: one very small bit of implied yaoi, not graphic.
1. Chapter 1

Because everyone knows the english dubs of most animes are... at best, a little weird. Some implied yaoi and maybe some yaoi in later chapters, but nothing at all graphic.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Shaman King characters.

Thanks to Jill (who is calling herself dao lian this week) for betaing and her encylopediac knowledge of shaman king. It also means if there are any mistakes, you'll know who to blame.

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For once, it was quiet on the Shaman King set. It was too early for any shooting to be done, and nearly everyone was still asleep. They had finished shooting Yoh and Faust's big fight scene for episode 16 the night before. A man in black tiptoed up to the noticeboard, and stuck a piece of paper on top of all the takeaway menus and sample promo shots. He froze when he heard a noise, then ran away. He didn't want to be around when they found out.

'Yoh! YOH!' Manta ran into Yoh's trailer with a scrap of paper, and shoved it in Yoh's face. Yoh, attempting to breathe around the sudden blockage to his mouth and nostrils, woke up.

'Wha… Manta, where's the fire?' Manta held out the piece of paper.

**ENGLISH DUB SHOOTING**

**ALL CHARACTERS PLEASE REPORT TO DIRECTOR'S OFFICE FOR NEGOTIATION OF CONTRACT**

Yoh's heart sank.

'No… Oh no… They can't do this to us! C- Can they?'

Manta looked like he was about to cry. 'I asked the head office, and they said it's true, and Ren's been in a meeting for ages,'

'There must be something we can do! We can… strike, or something,' Yoh looked around for a pen. 'They must have realised by now they can't trick us! We know what happened to Naruto!'

'It's okay for you, you signed up to that anime characters union thing,' said Manta, scowling.

'Only because Gramps made me. Guess the old guy was right about something after all!' Yoh's bad mood had evaporated. Surely they couldn't screw him over too badly.

'When do you have to go?' Yoh asked, and instantly regretted it. Manta's face crumpled.

'After Horo, who's after Ren,' Manta sobbed.

'In more ways than one,' said Yoh, in a desperate effort to cheer Manta up. 'Imagine what would happen if the American directors heard about that,'

Manta smiled shakily. 'Ren should be out of the meeting now,'

'So let's go find out how it went,'

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Ren walked into the director's office, scowling. 'You're shooting a dubbed version,'

'We are,' said the director, his smile wilting a little under Ren's glare. 'Look, I know how you feel about English versions. But it's a big market, and you'll be paid double,'

'I just hope you're not planning to disgrace the proud name of the Tao family,' growled Ren, his eyes narrowing even further.

'Well… we're not changing the Tao family name…' said the director carefully.

'What's the catch?'

'We've been speaking to the producers in America, and they don't think the kids will be able to identify with a character called Ren. However, there's a very very very similar name to yours in English. You'll barely even notice the difference,'

'What is this… name?'

'Len. Lenny,'

Ren closed his eyes, and very slowly counted to ten. He needed the money from this job, and he couldn't afford to screw it up. Anyway, he thought, what's in a name? He could be Lian. He could be Ren. Why not Lenny? It would be a test of character. At least they hadn't changed the Tao.

'All right. What else?'

The director was surprised at this sudden stroke of luck. Ren wasn't trying to kill him, and he'd thought the name change was going to be the trickiest thing to negotiate.

'The accent. You need one which American kiddies will associate with upper class, nobility. Sooo… We thought maybe something like this,' The director clicked a button on the tape recorder on his desk.

It was the silliest voice Ren had ever heard. No-one would take him seriously if he spoke like that! He had to resist the urge again to throttle the director.

'This… is how the upper class speak in America?'

'Yes. Well, in England, where this anime will also be shown,' The director's smile was back full force.

'I agree. Is this it?' Ren scribbled his signature over the piece of paper in front of him. If he really had any choice, he'd refuse, but there weren't many jobs around for ex anime characters.

'Pretty much. There might be a few minor changes,'

'What kind of minor changes?' asked Ren suspiciously, leafing through the contract he just signed.

'Oh, just bits and pieces… Minor family differences… You know the kind of thing…' The director waved a hand in the air.

'My father will kill you for this…' muttered Ren, scanning the last pages.

'Yeah, that's another thing. The American director thinks En seems a bit too… abrasive to be your father. He'll be your uncle,'

Ren didn't answer. The director was halfway through removing the baseball bat from under his desk when Ren nodded stiffly. 'Whatever you decide. Can I go now?'

'There is one thing that's not in the contract…'

'What?'

'The hair. The phallic connotation is obvious, and it's a bit… well… pointy. Would you be able to cut the spike off?'

Horo, who would, if you asked, tell you there was no way he was listening through the keyhole, heard some strange banging noises, then the director's voice.

'Owwww… Fine, keep the hair,'

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Horo leaned against the tree outside the director's office. He'd been trying to eavesdrop, but the only thing he'd heard clearly was some bashing noises. He'd sprung away from the keyhole, and had retreated to the safety of the tree. Ren's meeting was already five minutes over schedule, and he couldn't be much longer.

As if on cue, the door flew open and Ren stormed out. Even Horo knew better than to ask him how it went.

'Next!'

That simple word sent chills down Horo's spine. He walked into the office holding his board in front of him like a shield.

'Horo! Nice to see you!'

'…'

For once Horo couldn't think of anything to say. The director was smiling at him like his teeth hurt.

'So, we're here to negotiate a contract for an English version of Shaman King,' The director shuffled some important looking pieces of paper in front of him, and pulled a thick pile of stapled sheets out. 'Here's your contract, if you'd like to sign…' He gave Horo a pen and looked at him expectantly.

'Don't we have to, you know, talk about it and stuff?' Horo asked, puzzled.

'Well, considering the circumstances, we decided to… you can read it through if you'd like!'

Horo stared at the contract for a second like the director had handed him a stick of lit dynamite instead of a legal document.

'You're- You're gonna change my name, aren't you,' he said in a small voice.

'It's a possiblilty, but-'

'You're gonna make me talk funny, and change my clothes, and- and-'

'We have no intention-'

'YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!' Horo screamed.

'Mr Usui, would you please calm down!'

The director took advantage of the temporary quiet.

'We have no intention of changing your clothes or making you 'talk funny'. You will have a nickname, but your original name will stay unchanged,'

'Oh,' Horo stared at his fingers. 'Is that all?'

'Well, there is the small matter of your spirit,'

Kororo squeaked.

'What about her?' asked Horo.

'We have also decided to change its name to Corey,'

'Isn't that a guy's name?'

Kororo squeaked again, indignantly. Before Horo could stop her (not that he was going to try too hard anyway) she flew straight into the director's face. The director let out a satisfyingly girly scream.

'What just happened?'

'I don't think Kororo likes that idea much,' said Horo, fighting to keep a straight face. The director's eye was beginning to swell up, and was a bright shade of red.

'Right. Well, I'm afraid it can't be helped. Unless there are any more issues…'

'It's ok,' said Horo, and hastily signed the contract. He stood up and almost ran out, suddenly desperate to be out of the office. It wasn't until he was outside, and Manta had already gone in looking like someone who was ascending a scaffold, he realised he didn't know what his dub name was even going to be.

How bad could it be anyway? It was nearly lunchtime, so he wandered over to the massive tent where the canteen was. He'd ask Ren, or Yoh. Surely one of them would have found out by now.

He pushed open the flap. For some reason, a lot of the regular characters were standing there, grinning at him. Ren, Yoh, Anna, Ryu… even Pirika. He was about to open his mouth to say hi, when he was nearly blown backwards by them all shouting.

'TREY RACER, HERE HE COMES, WITH YOUR LUNCH!'


	2. Chapter 2

I know I haven't updated this in checks about nine months, but... I wanted a break from writing all the KuorFai angst. So, enjoy.

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Horo wiped the sauce from his mouth with his sleeve. His meeting with the director had left him starving, for some reason, and he had already had three helpings.

He picked up his plate and reached for the rice pot, only to find someone had moved it. He eventually spotted it on the table Yoh was sat at, flanked by Anna and Manta.

Horo reached for the rice with a muttered apology, then did a double-take so comical even Anna hid a smile behind her hand.

'Yoh. What is THAT?'

Yoh followed Horo's stare to his plate miserably. He poked the food on it listlessly with a fork, only to see it deflate slightly.

'It's a hamburger. At least, that's what the director said it was. 'Fresh off a cow,' he told me,'

'Poor thing must have committed suicide,' Horo observed, gingerly picking up Yoh's fork and lifting the top of the bun. The relish was a shade of red not known by nature.

'Yoh, you cannot seriously be considering eating this,'

'I have to,' Yoh said, at the exact same moment Anna said 'He has to,'

Anna shot a brief glare at Yoh, who retrieved his fork from Horo and removed a piece of meat so miniscule it Horo could barely see it. He swallowed it with a wince and hastily flushed it down with a gulp of water.

'Yoh eats these all the time in the dub,' Anna said, looking supremely unconcerned. 'he might as well get used to it.

Yoh looked near tears. ''We're not changing your name,' they said to me, only a new favourite food, that can't be so bad? THAT CAN'T BE SO BAD???'

Yoh put his head down on the table and wept.

Anna patted him on the shoulder, then stood up. 'I have to go. I have a meeting with the director,'

Yoh looked up at her miserably. 'You won't be looking so happy when they have you in a pink frilly apron calling yourself Fifi,'

Anna smiled. 'I'm sure the director and I can come to an agreement,'

In a stage whisper, Manta said to Horo; 'That's when she says stuff, and we all have to agree with her,'

Anna pretended not to notice, but Horo saw a faint grin flit across her face before being replaced with a composed, stony expression.

'I'll see you all later,'

Horo, Yoh and Manta watched her leave. Horo waited until she had well and truly gone, then counted another twenty seconds for good measure. Even so, he whispered and bent as close to Yoh as possible.

'Hey, you want me to ask Hao to find out if that thing's flammable?'

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The director looked up from his forms. Anna gave him a polite smile, then sat in the chair opposite his desk.

'Anna, it's good to see you! You know what this is about, of course. We need to renegotiate your contract and work out exactly what you're going to do in the English dub,'

'I would have thought it was obvious,' Anna replied mildly.

'What do you mean?' the director asked, breaking out in a light sweat. Anna merely twitched her skirt straight.

'Well, my name is English already, and there is nothing about my character that would confuse or upset young children in America. I don't do anything that they wouldn't understand, except for the shamanic rituals that would need to be explained anyway. Unless there is something about my acting skills you think is lacking?'

Anna raised an eyebrow as if she dared the director to argue with her.

'No… Yes, I believe we can leave your character as it is,' the director gabbled, hastily covering a stack of paperwork with his jacket.

Hoping Anna hadn't seen the words 'Florence' or the sketch of a prink dress with lacy edging.

From the second eyebrow raise, she had.

'Are you sure there wasn't anything you wanted to discuss?'

'Yes. Quite sure,'

'Then why did you call a meeting?'

Cat owners everywhere would be familiar with Anna's expression. After all, there was no fun in having a twitchy mouse between your paws if you couldn't play with it a little.

'Er…..' The director looked around frantically. 'We wanted to give you a raise! That's it! For the great work you do on the show,'

'That's wonderful,' Anna said. You could almost hear the walls creaking as the director was let off the hook.

Anna stood up again, and swished out of the door. She wandered a good way from the trailers, then another couple of feet into the forest they used to film some of the scenes.

She checked there was no one else around before laughing until she couldn't breathe. After all, she had an image to maintain.

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When Yoh and Manta saw Anna return from the director's office, they were staring at the lightly charred but still recognisable burger. Hao had been extremely frustrated by it. No matter what he tried, the damn thing seemed impervious to all flames.

Manta had hazarded a guess it was actually made of old rubber, but Yoh's bottom lip had trembled dangerously.

Eventually, Hao had gone off to go and find some petrol and left Manta and Yoh in charge of making sure the thing didn't actually mutate and start eating people before they had a chance to kill it.

'How was your meeting, Anna?' Yoh asked sourly, prodding the burger with his foot. He wiped the sole quickly on the ground, as if he could catch something.

'My character will remain intact in the dub,' Anna replied. To her credit, there was only a hint of smugness.

'What?!?!?!' Yoh asked, wheeling around to face her. 'How come you don't have to get a stupid name or eat crappy foods like this?!?!'

He gestured angrily to the hamburger.

Or more accurately, to the pile of flaked ash that marked where the hamburger had last been.

'Manta….' Yoh asked slowly, not taking his eyes off the spot, 'Where did it go?'

'I don't know, I was looking at Anna!' Manta replied.

'Anyway,' Anna said firmly. 'Manta, you're next. Please don't tell the director that your meals have run away, I would like the cast to maintain a semblance of professionalism,'

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'Manta!' the director said warmly as Manta walked into the room. Manta stared at him as if he could go off any moment.

'H-hello,' he mumbled in reply.

'Or should I say-' the director paused a moment for dramatic effect- 'Morty!'

Manta's eyes widened. His mouth hung open slightly.

'Morty? It makes me sound like a… like a…'

'Like a what?' the director asked.

'Like a geriatric manwhore!'

The director looked a little taken aback. 'I never thought… especially you, of all…'

'Just because I'm short doesn't mean I'm stupid,' Manta said, blushing.

'Well…' the director faltered, then regained his poise. 'The only other small change is your voice. It doesn't suit your character well enough for an American audience,'

'What's my new voice like, then?' Manta asked, interested in spite of himself.

The director pressed a button on his tape player.

It played the full thirty seconds, without anyone swearing or breaking things.

The director looked at Manta. He had gone a shade of sickly white, and his lips were pressed together as if he was in agony.

'Is… is it really necessary?' Manta asked in an extremely small voice.

The director looked a little bemused. 'Yes, I'm afraid it is,'

'Are you sure?'

'Yes,' the director said, a little more firmly.

'Ok… But I want it known I didn't do this without extreme reluctance…' Manta paused, and for some reason his hand covered the crotch of his jeans.

'Ok…' the director said. What was it with anime people?

'Will I get general anaesthetic?'

The director's brow furrowed. 'I don't quite understand what you mean,'

'You've had me castrated, haven't you?'

The director laughed. 'Of course not! I know it's a little higher than what you're used to, but with training…'

'It's a falsetto!' Manta yelled, leaping to his feet. Unfortunately, this merely meant he disappeared under the desk.

'Maybe we can talk about this another time,' the director said, glancing at the high shelf he'd placed all his expensive and breakable possessions on.

Manta had already stormed out.

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Meanwhile, Horo's moment of peace was interrupted by Yoh pulling down the top of his magazine.

'What?' he asked irritably. He had to refresh his lines for shooting tomorrow, and he was tired…

'I don't want to worry you,' Yoh said carefully, 'But we may or may not have a burger full of biological warfare on the loose somewhere…'


End file.
